The Marriage Checklist.

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Dear M, M & M



I Do 30.10.2010

WoW! Here is another great milestone to your life. Marriage. To the Love of your life. I know you have dreamed about this day for a long time, and as the day draws neigh, I know there are some mixed feelings. I know you have your wedding checklist in place, probably your officiating clergy/AG, guests, that to-die-for dress, the show stopper cake, the glamourous makeup artist is on standby, the well sort after fun emcee is also on standby. Congratulations on this.

But guess what, you haven’t thought much about this info pack. This info pack has been prepared from my own personal experience and extensive research from older happily married women as well as divorced women. At the end of the day, we all agree that experience is the best teacher. From one woman to another, rather than going to clear an already cleared pathway, here are some things you should consider before saying ‘I Do’.

30.12.2016

👰Why I’m I getting married: do you genuinely love your partner or do you love the idea of just being married. Can you live with/tolerate the flaws considering you are not perfect either! Is it the idea of a big white wedding exciting or is there more to it. Take a retreat and make a list of why you really want to get married. Better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.

👰Heartfelt Questions – hopefully, you have done couples counselling and some things have been said. If there is a lack of clarity, then go out on a date and ask some of these paramount questions.
©      Any history of terminal/mental illnesses in either side of the family. How was it handled
©      Incase of an emergency who should be the first person you should call

👰What is in a name: it is easy to assume that you will easily pick his name, and if so, which name. it’s important to agree on your family name. also talking about names, how will you name your children (natural or adopted)? Are you naming from either side, if not what other options are on the table.

👰Meet each other’s favourite people: if time permits, spend quality time with them. They will illuminate more about the person you are about to marry.

👰Family Obligations: how do you intend to support either side of the family. What boundaries cannot be crossed by either family members? How will you spend holidays?

👰Finances: how much debt is owed by either? How will you handle this? How will you handle finances (spending, savings etc)

👰Career: what happens if the kids come, does either leave work? What happens if either is relocated, does the other leave their job or will you operate from different town/time zones? What are acceptable sacrifices to make as you climb the career ladder?

👰Gynaecologist visit: how soon are the babies coming? What form of contraception will you use? When is the last time you had a pap smear and mammogram? What if either of you can’t have children? What are the options on the table?

👰What are your deal breakers: definitely, the D-word (Divorce)is not even part of the conversation? But what are your deal breakers? What will shake your values as an individual and as a family?

👰Conflict: how will you handle conflict? What happens if you agree to disagree on an issue – are you involving a third party, and who might that be? Should you decide to reach out to someone that is not a therapist, buy the said person coffee and let them know their role in your marriage. Should they say no! it is okay, don’t push.

In my years of being married, I have realised that marriage is not a one outfit that fits all. you have to find the symphony that works for you, your spouse and your family. and it takes years of trust, intentionality and love.

I wish you all the best as you take this important milestone. 



Family means, no one is left behind or forgotten...David Stiers













































This list has been gladly complied by Waithira Kibinda+Gitau. Waithira is a certified Transformational Coach and a lactation counsellor. She is passionate about everything family and setting up families for success and to execute purpose.  When not interacting and coaching families, you will find her hosting events and assisting organizations develop sustainable strategic visions and plans. Her fulltime job consists of being a wife, a mother to two lovely babies and a vibrant cheerleader to people’s dreams and aspirations.
Has this info pack been helpful? Please share feedback here: waithera.kibinda@gmail.com




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